One of the great advantages that Wifey and I enjoy about parenthood is having had children after we both got our yah-yah's out by having lived through our twenties and most of our thirties.
Having had the experience of having lived a life prior to parenthood is a grand invaluable. I can't judge it or measure it, but I know we have it. We may not be perfect about it, but we're better prepared for it. There's no corporal and we don't know or care to know anyone who does. I can't adequately express my contempt and distaste of parents who do. Especially the ones who are convinced that it is necessary.
Today, being solidly in my forties, I can confidently state that, without having done some of that living, I'm convinced I would never have been able to provide such a safe environment and such an enriching one to my/our two Savages. Had I been strapped down with kids early in life, none of my today would have ever been.
Very likely, I would not have been able to be married to a stay-at-home MBA mom who’s actively looking to get a second MBA. I would not have the home that I have. I would not have the job that I have. I would not live where I live today. I would not be who I am.
I know a few people who are of my general age, who got married and had children right after college or soon after high school. Every time I get together with them, they always seem to unconsciously want to compensate for some of the things that they did not get to do then. Every one of them (at least all the ones whom I know) are on their second marriages.
I believe that taking on the responsability of children early in life is one of the biggest mistakes that anyone could ever do. I know that it’s not a mistake all the time for every one, but in today’s society, I’m convinced that accomplishing fatherhood or motherhood before thirty, is a recipe for future unhappiness and self-doubt. Fatherhood or motherhood at a farther younger age, as in one's teenage years, is a sure-fire way to later poverty and other social ills.
I take nothing for granted. I never do. A Chris Rock stand-up comedy special comes to mind to me at times. I can't forget him pointing out that he, as a father, does everything possible to keep his daughter "off the pole". Everything he does in life is motivated so that he never has to ever learn that his daughter is a stripper at some men's club.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2e9pBuR-e8I know exactly what he's talking about. Fathering at my age is better. My children are fortunate. But my idea of fortunate, has nothing to do with what I provide materialistically for them. The best that Wifey and I provide the Savages are the maturity that we both have developed. The pragmatism and level-headedness that comes from being alive at least one generation. Having lived through some formidable life experiences that would have curled the immature straight into a figurative corner. That and many more intangible subtleties of living, allow one to be a better individual in life.
So, this past week, an issue re-arose its head. It's an issue that my older Savage used to have to contend with when she was in the second and in the third grade. There was a little girl in her class who used to be mean to my Savage. Her name, for this purpose, is Suzie. Suzie was an equal opportunity mean girl. She was mean to practically everyone. I remember learning that she made a friend of my Savage cry one day.
Wifey and some of the other moms brought this up to the teacher and the principal. The feedback that I remember absorbing regarding the issue of Suzie two years ago, was that her father was one of those "intense-psycho-I-want-to-live-vicariously-through-my-children-as-a-tennis-professional" types of fathers. I remember learning that, her father did not really have a regular job, but was a "tennis pro" at one of the country clubs in the area.
I remember learning that, Suzie's older brother was sent away through out his high school years, out to some tennis school/mill somewhere in Florida. Some of the stuff I remember my Savage mentioning regarding what Suzie had done or said on some days, reflected and had overtures of what a dysfunctional grown adult would project and channel onto a child.
I remember learning that Suzie's mom was really the bread winner in the family. Suzie's mom and dad were immigrants from Poland. It obviously appears that somehow, Suzie's father became fixated with the idea that the road to riches in America was to pimp his children and prostitute his wife.
Wifey and the other moms began to get the picture of Suzie's home-life.
Wifey and I did our best to have our Savage understand that Suzie is under a lot of pressure from her family to be someone that does not come naturally at the age that she's at. Her father essentially wants her to be a champion at a difficult sport and sometimes, young children like Suzie, do not know how to behave in public because the only exposure that they have outside of the house is with other adults.
Wifey and I felt that we had a good picture regarding Suzie and her parents. We also believed, at the time, that her parents were amounting to being let down catastrophically at sometime in the future.
So, I and very many in the community where we live in, were somewhat aghast at what transpired last Friday. Suzie showed everyone what kind of home life she was actually living.
Suzie gave my Savage a life lesson that she'll never forget. Suzie taught my daughter to be kind to inexplicably mean people. She taught my daughter to be more magnanimous. She taught my daughter to have more sympathy for others. She taught my daughter to be a better human being.
She taught my daughter to be cautious and and to also be a little cynical
Suzie also taught many of the adults who know her to be more intuitive:
http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2007/10/mom_tries_to_strangle_daughter.htmlhttp://wcbstv.com/local/wildlife.refuge.death.2.313966.htmlhttp://www.wnbc.com/news/14282605/detail.htmlhttp://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=local&id=5693348*!*
I spent Monday and Tuesday on a decent to hell.
