RAH RAH RAH !

There is a point in a friendship or a personal relationship where a breaking point has been reached and there is no reason to ever expect that the reasons the breaking point has been achieved could ever be forgiven, reversed or changed.

Such is the case with dear neighbors of mine who are in the midst of rolling-out divorce proceedings. Such is the case with people who were once friends of mine who are now just people that I knew years ago. Such is the case with siblings as my 75 year old "aunt" Gloria in Nogales mentioned that she does not speak to her brother and has not done so for years and does not know anything about him or his.

It is a natural conundrum. One can eventually know someone so well, that one day, that someone shows their colors in such a way that it horrifies you. It conflicts with and betrays mostly everything you thought about that someone or your relationship with them. And, it is because of that long-time and close interconnectedness that elicits such a relationship altering act of divulgence or of backhandedness.

I disagree with all the pragmatists and people leading their lives ecclesiastically about forgiving and forgetting every offense regardless of what it may be. That it is better to attempt, forge and/or achieve a bond again after personal betrayal. I believe that there are certain instances in life where one becomes stronger by eschewing any reconnecting. Mental and personal strength can be achieved sometimes by completely disconnecting from toxic personalities even if they happen to be family.

Such is the professional and academic advice given to alcoholics, drug addicts, prostitutes, gamblers and other people who suffer ill effects from certain stimuli in their environment. And, it is this advice of disconnection that creates healthier living for them.

This position of mine was highly legitimized about a month and a half ago when my wife fielded a surprise phone call from my sister-in-law. It has been some years since I spoke to my brother and his wife, and it has been some years the time we spoke before that. She called surreptitiously, correctly assuming that I would not be at home to field her call.

My wife described the call as nothing short of bizarre. My sister-in-law admitted that my brother was listening in on this call and it appeared she was being forced to apologize for whatever reason she may be at fault as to why it is I do not speak to my brother. She pleaded with my wife to smooth me over.

It was as sad as it was unbelievable to have her inarticulately attempt to be the fall person for her husband and do it with that pretentious British accent of hers. Her husband who uses his world through coercive techniques and lives with guilt everyday, has learned to act out in that manner from his many years around very non-secular environments. The very non-secular environments that taught him that he can very well mechanically pray up to the sky for forgiveness and everything will be all right....no matter what he does or how often he does.

Nine years catholic-parochial schooling, four years secular public high school, five years at a private Jesuit University for a pharmacy degree, two more years at that same university for a medical degree, two years at a municipal hospital for a residency requirement, only to return to that Jesuit university's hospital to begin a career in anesthesiology and use that experience to land a job at a prestigious Baptist university's hospital in Dallas, Texas.

Transgress, develop guilt, pray for forgiveness and I can get away with anything. I can do or say anything and as many times as I want. That is the way that he lives his life. Forcing his wife to apologize on the phone the way he did to attempt to deflect blame on himself is something I will not accept, but pity as part of his deficient personality. I refuse to psychologically appease his guilt laden psyche by making him feel that I have forgiven him.

Why?

Because I am profoundly certain that I will be enabling him to become a more ugly person.

I feel good, secure and very grounded about my decision regarding my severing off. My wife has no qualms with that either.

He very obviously is now struggling to cope with himself and he proved it six weeks ago.

*!*

posted by JerryNJ @ 5:28 PM