RAH RAH RAH !

Recently, a childhood friend of Wifey's, who came for a short visit in the summer of 2005, called to ask me a question. He wanted to know how it was that I prepared hamburgers on one of the nights that he and his family were over. I was a little surprised that he called just to ask me about that. He and his family were only over for three evenings. We only ate at home one evening. I vaguely remembered the fare. Well, he apparently did.

I've never thought about it much, but I believe (if I do say so myself) that my acumen regarding grilling is better than the average person's. I grew up in Arizona where mesquite wood grows like a weed and cooking outdoors is a year round possibility. I've seen many people (men basically), especially in the summer, when outdoor gatherings are many, attempt to cook the simplest things and still have the grills catch fire and in turn burn much of what they serve. I just sit and watch these folks struggle with grilling's simplest rule......Don't burn the food. These greenhorns seem to mistake charring with burning.

Because of convenience, I have been using a gas grill for quite some time now. The hassle with charcoal and/or wood just makes no sense for short order grilling. Grilled food is better with charcoal or wood, however. I happen to have a natural gas grill and not a propane grill. Such a set-up is vastly superior here in the northeast during the winters.

Anyway, these grillin' greenhorns should master the hamburger before attempting to cook much else. Confidence, at least with the hamburger, before asking people over and submitting them to eating one's grilling efforts is just so necessary. After the hamburger, chicken is next. And after that, it's just about anything else. It's that easy. That and a little patience.

When it comes to hamburgers, its world is a vast and varied one. It seems everyone has their own personal take on the hamburger. What kind of ground meat? Rare, medium or well done? Salt before or after? What condiments compliment the burger best? Ketchup or tomatoes? Cheese? What kind? What about the bun? Chips or fries with the burger?

There are these two restaurants that have been escalating the size of their hamburgers to a size way beyond what one would describe the word novelty. The Clinton Station Diner in Clinton, New Jersey and Denny’s Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield, Pennsylvania have both been having a friendly escalation with the size of their hamburger offerings.
http://money.cnn.com/2005/05/03/pf/biggest_burger/index.htm
http://www.supersizedmeals.com/food/article.php/20061029-Worlds_Largest_Hamburger

I’ve been to The Clinton Station Diner and have ordered the 15 pounder. Four hungry adults and three children were not able to dent the 15 pounder more than 40 percent. That was a lot of hamburger. When people ask me if the burger was good, I always reply that the burger was big instead. Big isn’t always better and in this case the rule held.

There is an intriguing place in Memphis, Tennessee on Beale Street that deep fry their hamburgers in grease that has not been changed since 1912. Everyone in the world has been led to believe that Elvis Presley died from drug abuse. I believe if Elvis’ body were exhumed, forensic scientists would clearly discover that is was these Dyer’s Burgers that killed The King:
http://www.roadfood.com/Reviews/Writeup.aspx?ReviewID=1251&RefID=1251
http://dethroner.com/index.php/2006/07/18/dethroner-destinations-dyers-hamburgers-home-of-the-94-year-old-grease/

Up in New England, in the town of Meriden, Connecticut there's a restaurant named Ted's. They STEAM their burgers. Yes, that hot water vapor thing: steam. I've never tried one of these but they appear intriguing. I feel I can cook my own at home this way and at least achieve similarity:
http://www.roadfood.com/Reviews/Overview.aspx?RefID=112
http://steamedcheeseburger.com/stories/yankee.htm

I'm sure someone out in Kawai, Hawaii must be thinking of some way to offer hamburgers cooked over hot lava. And I'm sure that such a gimmick will someday draw moths like me there to try them out. I've seen rednecks at NASCAR races cook chicken inside their car's engine compartment and I'm sure that hamburgers can be easily rendered that way also:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0375751408/002-6688161-5133633?v=glance&n=283155

So, I found it delightful to recently read the story of a little 8 year-old girl from Oregon who has made some headlines out there with her take on the hamburger. Her version of the hamburger has emerged above 16,000 other contestants' wanting their hamburger to become the next hamburger served off the menu at "Red Robin" restaurants across the USA.

People should not be surprised about this little girl. She appears to be raised in a home with a rich ethnic epicurean history. A home that has exposed her to dishes based with lamb, fish, olive oil, honey, yogurt....even grape leaves. Yes, this little girl is of Greek heritage and yes she submitted a Greek styled hamburger.
http://www.recipecontests.com/news/messages/1513.html

I have to admit that I did "white-lie" Wifey's friend last week when he called for the ingredients and instructions. I wasn't too keen on the idea that he'd be cooking hamburgers for others and perhaps take all the credit for it. I wasn't too keen with the fact that he's not grilled enough to have his own take on his very own burger. While I did feel empowered about my cooking a hamburger, I felt it was pathetic that as a grown man, he needed help cooking one. Courteously, off the top of my head, I rattled off a number of spices and I said that I had used Tzatziki sauce. That elicited a "WTF is that"? I told him what it was.

Although I never used it then, I felt that he needed to establish his own signature and originality to the simple hamburger. It's the most basic of items one should be able to cook on one's grill confidently. Boiling water is only easier.

Preparing a hamburger is oh so simple. I have heard that little 8 year old girls can make very delicious ones.

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